I understand that abstaining from sex protects me from:
The regret and guilt caused by the disgusting, squishy act of stupid sex, which is basically like going to the toilet from the front side.
Making retard babies out of wedlock, then having to blow my whole allowance on diapers and a stroller instead of XBox games and Snickers.
Catching a brain-rotting STD like "Finger Herpes" from "feeling up" any nasty dirty girlie holes.
Brilliant. What would I do without the internet?
-Brandon
